Expectations

As I have grown up, I realized I carry a lot of anxiety with me about a lot of things ranging from my financial budget to relationships and vacations to workload. I'm in my mid-twenties and have realized that this is a ridiculous way to live my life. My struggle, however, is how to cope with it.

Let me elaborate. 

In my early years of adolescence or being a teenager, somewhere along the way I was completely sold on the idea that life should be perfect. And I mean picture perfect. Not necessarily in terms of getting married, buying a house, having the standard American 2.5 kids, etc, but even down to the minut details of folding my clothes, never getting in arguments with friends or family, and even overdrawing my bank account. As I am a little older and hopefully wiser, I realize that this sort of thinking is very toxic to my well-being.

How do I change this?

The reality of it all lies deep in my expectations. It has nothing to do with actually overdrawing my account or my friends and/or family doing something wrong. It has to do with my thinking of how things will happen or the end result. The reality is that when I expect something or someone to change or do something differently and they do not, I become frustrated, anxious, and disappointed. Realizing that my expectations are what creates this anxiety and frustration is huge. It allows me to change my mentality and remain a little more positive about things. For example, when I (repeatedly) expect someone to be on time when meeting for drinks, when they have never been on time before puts me in a place of anxiety and frustration. Changing my mentality and expecting them to be running behind eliminates this anxiety and frustration and can help immensely. 

I am not perfect, however, and slip back into my old pattern of thinking. I was reminded of this recently when a very good friend of mine came to me extremely frustrated with a few situations in her life. In our conversation about her issues, I found myself explaining this approach to her, realizing that my own mentality has slipped in terms of my expectations. My mood and well-being has suffered a little bit by allowing me to be anxious and frustrated in a few situations.

It's nice to have those revelations every now and then. They keep us in check and really help us realize our growth (or sometimes lack thereof) and put us in check. 

A Night Out in San Diego

As I mentioned previously, I met a handful of people while on my “work-cation” in San Diego. I kept in contact with most of them while I was still in San Diego but one of the guys I met was a tremendous host, venturing out during a week of work, midterms, and preparation for Spring Break to show us some of San Diego’s nightlife.

We ventured out on the town starting in Midtown/Little Italy, at a trendy little bar called Starlite. This place was close I-5, so it was surprising that it was so cool inside. Having eaten already I did not get anything to eat, but was told the food was excellent. I did, however, try the Starlite Mule, which was their signature drink and frankly, one of the best cocktails I have had in my life.

Next, we headed back down to the heart of Little Italy and stopped for a beer at Craft & Commerce. This place was newer (I still can’t find it on Google Maps) and a small space, but it definitely made up for it with the atmosphere. The décor was designed around literature “craft” and they even played Books on Tape in the bathroom.

Lastly, we went to Syrah Wine Parlor down in the Gaslamp Quarter. This place was probably my favorites. The entire place is decorated in an Alice and Wonderland theme, with the steps down to the door giving you the feeling of falling down the rabbit hole; complete with a trick door and all.

Not only did we go to really cool places that were something different from the norm here in Lexington, but I had some of the best conversation I had in awhile. He was an inspiring individual that has moved around a bit, just making it work. We had a lot in common in terms of the expectations for life and it was really refreshing to meet someone who has felt what I am feeling in terms of wanting more out of life. I have only met one other person that truly understood or had insight into what I am feeling.

Our conversation that evening has left me asking myself “Why on earth am I in Kentucky if I’d rather be elsewhere?” – A question that I am trying to answer, but is so much more complex than simple geography.

Restlessness

Since my trip to the Netherlands, I have been thinking about where I am at in life a lot. Life in the Netherlands is so much different than it is here in Kentucky; to me it may even be a bit glorified. Being in the development realm and having a passion for Urban Planning, I think about densities and transportation a lot, so naturally any European country would be superior to the American South. But my mind wanders about lot more since this past trip. 

(Dutch and European Union Flag)

I find myself thinking about the sense of culture, the attitudes of the Dutch (be it cultural acceptance, daily customs, etc), and even the food supply. The Dutch are for the most part, very laid-back and lackadaisical about being different. Women/men, black/white, gay/straight, whatever it is, people are people; each one an individual. It's very refreshing to be there and having people exist alongside each other rather than judge or isolate. Even something as simple as daily tea makes me feel that life is simpler there. That being said, I realize every culture and practice has some issues that come along with it. I was on vacation there, but it is still a large part of my upbringing and who I am, so it is very intriguing to me.

Aside from romanticizing about the Netherlands and Dutch culture, I have felt a little restless here at home in Kentucky. I rarely sit still and have spent a weekend in the Red River Gorge and one in Louisville, but still feel a little restless. The feeling is similar to that of being stuck but not completely. I have a lot of freedom in my life; being a bachelor, having a nice apartment, a robust career in my early-twenties, and the privilege to travel about the world but I also feel like I am limited in my opportunities here in Kentucky.


I have talked with a few close friends that apparently feel very similar and I wonder if it may just be a part of life for people in their early- to mid-twenties. I know one thing is that I feel like I want more. Not more in terms of materials, but more opportunities. The problem I am having is identifying those opportunities. Better entertainment? A more ambitious job? More adventure? More education? More time with family? Whatever it is, I know I am not going to figure out anytime soon. It is something that I am going to have to reflect on, test out, and feel through. 


In the meantime, the dynamic adventure of life continues on. I am heading to California for a conference for work next week and have taken some extra time off to explore. I will be sure to share tons of pictures. 

Louisville in a Different Light

About a week ago I went to Louisville for the weekend. I stayed in Old Louisville, close to downtown and the University of Louisville campus.

Every time I go to Louisville in my free time, I see it in a different light. Each area is completely different from another and has a different feel to it. As a result, every time I go I leave feeling different about the city.

(Houses in Old Louisville)

(Row houses in Old Louisville)

I cannot say I left "loving" or "hating" Louisville because this last trip was strange. I spent the weekend meeting new people, trying new things, and being out of my comfort zone, but even a short time later I think I grew as a result of it. A mere nine days later I have a little bit of a different perspective about the life I have built for myself, my relationships (acquaintances, friendships, dating, etc), what I want out of life, and even self-reflection for how I evaluate (virtually) everything.

Sometimes it is nice to have that self perspective smack you in the face without even wanting it. It makes you appreciate yourself for what you are and all you've accomplished; it even helps you to relax a little and let things happen as they may.