Maximilian

It's been awhile since I've posted and a few things have changed in my life... quite a few very close friends leaving Lexington (and a couple returning) and a new addition to my immediate family... MEET MAXIMILIAN!!!

Max, as I call him, was a stray I adopted from a friend in southeastern Kentucky back in October. He is a Basenji, Australian Cattle Dog (Blue Heeler) mix... and boy is he a handful! But he is so sweet and I have bonded with him very quickly. 

I'm excited to have a new best friend/son in my life!!!

Firm Foundation

It has been a busy two weeks for me and I feel like I have been running 100 mph non-stop. 

I have been tearing up Kentucky's Golden Triangle for work recently, primarily spending my days in Louisville working on an inspection program implementation. I will say for the most part, that I enjoy my job because it is constantly dynamic and always provides a challenge for me, but not staying at home has been tough and I am grateful when I am home in my bed.

In my personal life, the past couple of weeks have also been a reminder of the strength that I possess within myself. I am not always the quickest learner; I have always been a 'learn by doing' individual, that makes the same mistakes a few times before I realize something doesn't work. The difference is that by acknowledging my strength and standing up for myself, I have begun to realize when I am in the midst of something that is not working and am able to assess and correct this.

Between work and personal life I feel like I am truly growing up. While working hard on myself and enjoying all that I am so lucky to have, I have grown to a place where I am strong to stand for myself and focus inward and proceed upward. I was reminded of all of this today as I was catching up on blogs and stumbled across a note from Things We Forget that captures it perfectly.

It makes me feel at peace and really realize that, while cliche, everything happens for a reason.

Mid-November?

Mid-November?! The last time I looked, it was June!!! I honestly can't remember what I have been doing since my trip to Florida in October; Everything has been just a whirlwind.

I can tell you that my fall and Halloween season was full of haunted houses/ trails, pumpkin fields, horror movies, and fun with friends.

Busy Thoughts

To start, let me state the obvious and say that it has been over a month since I have blogged. The tail end of my summer has been full of trips, a heavy workload, local weekend festivities, and the overall dealings of day-to-day life. I've been to Michigan to visit a friend, Florida (Fort Myers to be exact) to hijack my parents' vacation, and put in countless hours of report writing/ compiling for projects at work.

Kalamazoo, MI

Picnic with the Pops in Lexington, KY 

View over Bowditch Point Park in Fort Myers Beach, FL

Things have slowed down a bit now and I have thoughts of days past and current that I am dealing with. I have recently become very aware of all I have accomplished in my 24 years on earth. I also am very aware of my dreams and desires for my life and realize I have a lot of ground to cover. The conflict lies in the fact that I would like to pursue a number of these dreams but doing so may not be the most 'responsible' or 'safe' by societal standards (and my family's).

My sixth anniversary of living in Lexington has come and gone and I find myself somewhat rooted here. My problem is I don't feel settled here, per se. I find myself desiring other things for my life and struggle with what exactly that is and making preparations to pursue other dreams. Thinking about pursuing dreams and settling down has left me with the difficulty of not growing complacent, bitter, or withdrawn from other activities I generally would enjoy because I am in Lexington.

It is hard to see what is on the horizon when you know you want a change of scenery or pace, but you have no idea where to start. I know I will figure out, but I struggle with my nature of planning it and having the stars perfectly aligned before I leap and sometimes we just have to go. 

Alas, time will tell what's in store and I'm going to keep on trucking now and "suck the fun out of this place" as a good friend phrased it. 

Life and Love

There's been a few things going on here and there, mostly work and spending time with my friends. I threw an engagement party for two of my very close friends whom are engaged to be married in less than a year. It was a little stressful getting commitments and everything arranged, but it went off without a hitch and I think we all enjoyed ourselves.

These friends are very dear to me and I can see the happiness they hold in each other and it just makes me warm. They are also in the process of moving away and it has brought a lot of mixed emotions for me. I have mentioned before that I do not feel settled here in Lexington, but I don't know where to go next. I know I want the hustle and bustle of a bigger city and really any of the top 20 metropolitan cities in the United States would suite me, but that's kind of a broad start.

Thinking about moving and throwing an engagement party has also made my realize my single-ness. I remember being a young boy dreaming of having that best friend to spend my life with and this still holds true today. I am at a place right now where I would like to have that relationship and that companion, but I have also been through some tumultuous relationships and enjoy my freedom.

It all goes to say that I am probably exactly where I should be at the moment. I am busy at work, not sure where to go next, and content on my own right now. It's funny how we constantly wish for something and then suddenly you realize, "Wow. I'm in a great place."

Back to the Blue Ridge

Recently I went back to the birthplace for the weekend. My favorite teacher from high school was retiring and there was a surprise gala in her honor. It was a great time for me to go back home and see old friends and my family. It had been almost 6 months since I had gone home.

View of the Blue Ridge Mountains
from here

I love having grown up in Roanoke, it is set amidst the Blue Ridge Mountains and while I would not like to return (at least until I am older), it is simply beautiful.

Things have been very busy lately and my mind has been turning a lot. I am in that “mid-twenty-something restless state”, where I know I am not where I want to be but majority of my circumstances make it difficult to leave. It’s tough knowing you want more and are ready for a change, but are weary of the ramifications. For now, my goal is to make a plan, and carry it out.

Expectations

As I have grown up, I realized I carry a lot of anxiety with me about a lot of things ranging from my financial budget to relationships and vacations to workload. I'm in my mid-twenties and have realized that this is a ridiculous way to live my life. My struggle, however, is how to cope with it.

Let me elaborate. 

In my early years of adolescence or being a teenager, somewhere along the way I was completely sold on the idea that life should be perfect. And I mean picture perfect. Not necessarily in terms of getting married, buying a house, having the standard American 2.5 kids, etc, but even down to the minut details of folding my clothes, never getting in arguments with friends or family, and even overdrawing my bank account. As I am a little older and hopefully wiser, I realize that this sort of thinking is very toxic to my well-being.

How do I change this?

The reality of it all lies deep in my expectations. It has nothing to do with actually overdrawing my account or my friends and/or family doing something wrong. It has to do with my thinking of how things will happen or the end result. The reality is that when I expect something or someone to change or do something differently and they do not, I become frustrated, anxious, and disappointed. Realizing that my expectations are what creates this anxiety and frustration is huge. It allows me to change my mentality and remain a little more positive about things. For example, when I (repeatedly) expect someone to be on time when meeting for drinks, when they have never been on time before puts me in a place of anxiety and frustration. Changing my mentality and expecting them to be running behind eliminates this anxiety and frustration and can help immensely. 

I am not perfect, however, and slip back into my old pattern of thinking. I was reminded of this recently when a very good friend of mine came to me extremely frustrated with a few situations in her life. In our conversation about her issues, I found myself explaining this approach to her, realizing that my own mentality has slipped in terms of my expectations. My mood and well-being has suffered a little bit by allowing me to be anxious and frustrated in a few situations.

It's nice to have those revelations every now and then. They keep us in check and really help us realize our growth (or sometimes lack thereof) and put us in check. 

A Night Out in San Diego

As I mentioned previously, I met a handful of people while on my “work-cation” in San Diego. I kept in contact with most of them while I was still in San Diego but one of the guys I met was a tremendous host, venturing out during a week of work, midterms, and preparation for Spring Break to show us some of San Diego’s nightlife.

We ventured out on the town starting in Midtown/Little Italy, at a trendy little bar called Starlite. This place was close I-5, so it was surprising that it was so cool inside. Having eaten already I did not get anything to eat, but was told the food was excellent. I did, however, try the Starlite Mule, which was their signature drink and frankly, one of the best cocktails I have had in my life.

Next, we headed back down to the heart of Little Italy and stopped for a beer at Craft & Commerce. This place was newer (I still can’t find it on Google Maps) and a small space, but it definitely made up for it with the atmosphere. The décor was designed around literature “craft” and they even played Books on Tape in the bathroom.

Lastly, we went to Syrah Wine Parlor down in the Gaslamp Quarter. This place was probably my favorites. The entire place is decorated in an Alice and Wonderland theme, with the steps down to the door giving you the feeling of falling down the rabbit hole; complete with a trick door and all.

Not only did we go to really cool places that were something different from the norm here in Lexington, but I had some of the best conversation I had in awhile. He was an inspiring individual that has moved around a bit, just making it work. We had a lot in common in terms of the expectations for life and it was really refreshing to meet someone who has felt what I am feeling in terms of wanting more out of life. I have only met one other person that truly understood or had insight into what I am feeling.

Our conversation that evening has left me asking myself “Why on earth am I in Kentucky if I’d rather be elsewhere?” – A question that I am trying to answer, but is so much more complex than simple geography.

Restlessness

Since my trip to the Netherlands, I have been thinking about where I am at in life a lot. Life in the Netherlands is so much different than it is here in Kentucky; to me it may even be a bit glorified. Being in the development realm and having a passion for Urban Planning, I think about densities and transportation a lot, so naturally any European country would be superior to the American South. But my mind wanders about lot more since this past trip. 

(Dutch and European Union Flag)

I find myself thinking about the sense of culture, the attitudes of the Dutch (be it cultural acceptance, daily customs, etc), and even the food supply. The Dutch are for the most part, very laid-back and lackadaisical about being different. Women/men, black/white, gay/straight, whatever it is, people are people; each one an individual. It's very refreshing to be there and having people exist alongside each other rather than judge or isolate. Even something as simple as daily tea makes me feel that life is simpler there. That being said, I realize every culture and practice has some issues that come along with it. I was on vacation there, but it is still a large part of my upbringing and who I am, so it is very intriguing to me.

Aside from romanticizing about the Netherlands and Dutch culture, I have felt a little restless here at home in Kentucky. I rarely sit still and have spent a weekend in the Red River Gorge and one in Louisville, but still feel a little restless. The feeling is similar to that of being stuck but not completely. I have a lot of freedom in my life; being a bachelor, having a nice apartment, a robust career in my early-twenties, and the privilege to travel about the world but I also feel like I am limited in my opportunities here in Kentucky.


I have talked with a few close friends that apparently feel very similar and I wonder if it may just be a part of life for people in their early- to mid-twenties. I know one thing is that I feel like I want more. Not more in terms of materials, but more opportunities. The problem I am having is identifying those opportunities. Better entertainment? A more ambitious job? More adventure? More education? More time with family? Whatever it is, I know I am not going to figure out anytime soon. It is something that I am going to have to reflect on, test out, and feel through. 


In the meantime, the dynamic adventure of life continues on. I am heading to California for a conference for work next week and have taken some extra time off to explore. I will be sure to share tons of pictures. 

Here I am

dy·nam·ic   adj  \dī-ˈna-mik\

: marked by usually continuous and productive activity or change

If it's one thing I have grown accustomed to in this past year... its change. I have awaken and accepted the person that I am, entered and exited a serious relationship, reconnected with family I have not seen for twelve years, faced the reality of numerous friends walking away, moved, gotten promoted, been hospitalized, and lost one of the greatest people I have known for my entire life. I can say, however, that as the time moves further from these events I am learning more and more of how this is just the adventure of life. This is also to say, that this adventure is dynamic is many ways.

I'm not going to lie and say I love or hate change, because I am not really sure at this point, but it's interesting to step back and look at all the change in my life. As a 23-year old, I have already learned that life is an adventure, but it’s the dynamic part of that adventure that is just beginning to resonate.

And the dynamic part is beautiful.

I'm not trying to be deep or existential, but merely point out what I am learning on this dynamic adventure. And that's exactly what I intend to do on these pages. As the adventure of life continues it is interesting to stop for just a few seconds and "watch the ice melt" (or smell the roses if you want a cliché); and if we pause long enough and really allow ourselves, we will appreciate the dynamic part of the adventure.


I have never been okay sitting still, being alone, or enjoying silence, but in the past few months I have found myself sitting in silence or racing to get home to just lounge around. I have really come to appreciate all that I have been through, even those tough months in 2010.