Sticks and Stones and Words

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

As an American child, most of us have been taught this phrase and repeat it to our 'mean friends' on the playground many times. Being an adult, I have to simply say that this saying simply does not ring true... for me at least. The past few weeks have been busy with work but I have also had very emotional and trying personal situations. These situations have taught me about a lot about myself as well as others in the areas of discernment, honesty, trust, self-worth, and negativity.

Let me start by saying, I am in no way, shape, or form, perfect. I am a human-being with needs and desires like everyone else and while I wish to always make the most admirable decisions, I indeed and give in to fleeting, temporary things. I will also say that when it comes to judgment, I generally beat myself up for things I do wrong, that I do not need the negativity or judgement from anyone else-- thanks to my amazing friends for pointing this out to me.

All that being said, I have been naive and genuine in trying to meet additional friends in Lexington and also trying to find companionship. Through all of this I have opened myself up to people who seem to be genuine people with kind hearts and similar interests, but can myself around critical very critical people. I have been pushed these past couple of weeks, feeling insecure and maximizing my emotions to a weakened point that I have not felt in about a year.

My lessons from this are invaluable. Discernment. I have got to open my eyes to red-flags and abnormal behavior and identify this in my life. It's not that I ignore them, but I need to limit myself and discern what is appropriate as well as what I can withstand emotionally. I have been through a lot in the past couple of years of my life, but have come out ahead of it all and refuse to be in that dark place again.

It's been a learning experience for me, in the least. I already feel stronger and, oddly enough, happier. Blogging about this experience is not easy, and not intended to be a call for help to my family and friends (I am fine), but encouragement to anyone else who comes across negativity in the world. Stand strong, and believe there more good in the world than bad... you just have to search for the strength within to wade through.

Busy Thoughts

To start, let me state the obvious and say that it has been over a month since I have blogged. The tail end of my summer has been full of trips, a heavy workload, local weekend festivities, and the overall dealings of day-to-day life. I've been to Michigan to visit a friend, Florida (Fort Myers to be exact) to hijack my parents' vacation, and put in countless hours of report writing/ compiling for projects at work.

Kalamazoo, MI

Picnic with the Pops in Lexington, KY 

View over Bowditch Point Park in Fort Myers Beach, FL

Things have slowed down a bit now and I have thoughts of days past and current that I am dealing with. I have recently become very aware of all I have accomplished in my 24 years on earth. I also am very aware of my dreams and desires for my life and realize I have a lot of ground to cover. The conflict lies in the fact that I would like to pursue a number of these dreams but doing so may not be the most 'responsible' or 'safe' by societal standards (and my family's).

My sixth anniversary of living in Lexington has come and gone and I find myself somewhat rooted here. My problem is I don't feel settled here, per se. I find myself desiring other things for my life and struggle with what exactly that is and making preparations to pursue other dreams. Thinking about pursuing dreams and settling down has left me with the difficulty of not growing complacent, bitter, or withdrawn from other activities I generally would enjoy because I am in Lexington.

It is hard to see what is on the horizon when you know you want a change of scenery or pace, but you have no idea where to start. I know I will figure out, but I struggle with my nature of planning it and having the stars perfectly aligned before I leap and sometimes we just have to go. 

Alas, time will tell what's in store and I'm going to keep on trucking now and "suck the fun out of this place" as a good friend phrased it.